Words that flow into each other, as natural and effortless as splashing waves foaming into sentences?
When the words fall into place like a jigsaw puzzle that tells the whole story in a single effortless glance?
The content/thought need not always be original. The way it is expressed should be an insight into a refreshing point of view.
There is great pleasure derived from finding that perfect but elusive word that describes a given experience, thought.
Friday, July 29, 2011
I will listen
I will listen
I will not be sarcastic
The tone of my voice will be happy, balanced
It will not be resentful or suspicious
It will not be needy or expecting
I will not offer my opinion or point of view till he is done talking even if I want to contradict what he is saying.
Even if what he has to say is breaking my heart, I will remain calm and composed. I will listen patiently.
Once he is done talking, I will take a moment to evaluate my response. I will not be impulsive, immature in my response. I will be dignified.
If he says he doesn’t love me anymore, I will ask him for his reasons. But I will graciously accept.
If he says he is in love with someone else, I will ask him why? I will tell him that I have not loved anyone else other than him. But I will graciously accept his decision.
If he says he missed me, I will tell him I missed him too. Though I tried so hard not to.
I will not be sarcastic
The tone of my voice will be happy, balanced
It will not be resentful or suspicious
It will not be needy or expecting
I will not offer my opinion or point of view till he is done talking even if I want to contradict what he is saying.
Even if what he has to say is breaking my heart, I will remain calm and composed. I will listen patiently.
Once he is done talking, I will take a moment to evaluate my response. I will not be impulsive, immature in my response. I will be dignified.
If he says he doesn’t love me anymore, I will ask him for his reasons. But I will graciously accept.
If he says he is in love with someone else, I will ask him why? I will tell him that I have not loved anyone else other than him. But I will graciously accept his decision.
If he says he missed me, I will tell him I missed him too. Though I tried so hard not to.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Notes to self
He said he needed some time to think. Think about why I'm saying its changed. He said he wanted two days for it, I said take your time baby. Not exactly the smartest of moves. Today we're 6 days down and counting. Meanwhile, I'm oscillating between declaring him the love of my life and pretending not to give a rat's stinky ass that he hasnt called.
Sometimes the only way I find sanity can prevail is by just putting down my worst fears.. so here goes.
‘OMG. Someone stop my bleeding heart’ scenario 1: He will never call. He will forget that I even existed. He won’t remember what it was to be in love with me. If someone took my name in front of him, his eyes would glaze and he would go "my name", who "my name"?
‘OMG. Someone stop my bleeding heart’ scenario 2: He will call. And tell me to f**k off. Get off his back. Vanish. He’s got better things to do than chase a confused, egomaniacal woman pushing her thirties wanting to become a mother. That too not with his child. He’s moved on to better things. Stuff he’s got to accomplish in life.
’Atleast he gives a shit’ scenario 1: He will call. Tell me he cherishes what we had and has a vague memory of that feeling. He’d be like a yogi. Detached. If he ever runs into he me would go “Oh hey you!! Long time no see. Hope your granny’s knee is better now.”
’Atleast he gives a shit’ scenario 2: He will call. Tell me he loves me. But the way our lives are going, he doesn't think investing mind and heart into us will take us anywhere. Of course, since we're both married.
Scenario where the sun will shine, flowers from god’s garden bloom and angels from heaven sing in my ears: Why do I have a dirty feeling this one doesn't exist?
Sometimes the only way I find sanity can prevail is by just putting down my worst fears.. so here goes.
‘OMG. Someone stop my bleeding heart’ scenario 1: He will never call. He will forget that I even existed. He won’t remember what it was to be in love with me. If someone took my name in front of him, his eyes would glaze and he would go "my name", who "my name"?
‘OMG. Someone stop my bleeding heart’ scenario 2: He will call. And tell me to f**k off. Get off his back. Vanish. He’s got better things to do than chase a confused, egomaniacal woman pushing her thirties wanting to become a mother. That too not with his child. He’s moved on to better things. Stuff he’s got to accomplish in life.
’Atleast he gives a shit’ scenario 1: He will call. Tell me he cherishes what we had and has a vague memory of that feeling. He’d be like a yogi. Detached. If he ever runs into he me would go “Oh hey you!! Long time no see. Hope your granny’s knee is better now.”
’Atleast he gives a shit’ scenario 2: He will call. Tell me he loves me. But the way our lives are going, he doesn't think investing mind and heart into us will take us anywhere. Of course, since we're both married.
Scenario where the sun will shine, flowers from god’s garden bloom and angels from heaven sing in my ears: Why do I have a dirty feeling this one doesn't exist?
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Baarish
It rained that evening. First rains of the season. Had reached mumbai just that morning. The cool air bringing up the petrichor, making its way into me as I breathed. Like I was breathing us. Taking me back to the time we discovered each other. It was a rainy day like that. Magical. Perfect. A meeting preordained. Hitting me out of nowhere. Friday's rain brought that feeling back. Refreshing it. Hadnt missed you like this in days. Getting caught up in life is easy. Burying one's secret desires. Forgetting the past. 'Bahut muskhil ho rahi hai' the words poured into an sms. Did they speak to you? Before they disappeared?
A tender hello, a gushing breath, a heartbeat skipped when you called. Just before you boarded. Telling me that i was on your mind. Just like you where on mine.
I'm holding on to you in my head. Passing through those once familiar streets doesn't make it any easier. They're charmless for me with you gone.
Am waiting now, hoping I see you soon. Till then these words and the pictures in my head keep me company.
A tender hello, a gushing breath, a heartbeat skipped when you called. Just before you boarded. Telling me that i was on your mind. Just like you where on mine.
I'm holding on to you in my head. Passing through those once familiar streets doesn't make it any easier. They're charmless for me with you gone.
Am waiting now, hoping I see you soon. Till then these words and the pictures in my head keep me company.
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