Notes to self

He said he needed some time to think. Think about why I'm saying its changed. He said he wanted two days for it, I said take your time baby. Not exactly the smartest of moves. Today we're 6 days down and counting. Meanwhile, I'm oscillating between declaring him the love of my life and pretending not to give a rat's stinky ass that he hasnt called.

Sometimes the only way I find sanity can prevail is by just putting down my worst fears.. so here goes.

‘OMG. Someone stop my bleeding heart’ scenario 1: He will never call. He will forget that I even existed. He won’t remember what it was to be in love with me. If someone took my name in front of him, his eyes would glaze and he would go "my name", who "my name"?

‘OMG. Someone stop my bleeding heart’ scenario 2: He will call. And tell me to f**k off. Get off his back. Vanish. He’s got better things to do than chase a confused, egomaniacal woman pushing her thirties wanting to become a mother. That too not with his child. He’s moved on to better things. Stuff he’s got to accomplish in life.

’Atleast he gives a shit’ scenario 1: He will call. Tell me he cherishes what we had and has a vague memory of that feeling. He’d be like a yogi. Detached. If he ever runs into he me would go “Oh hey you!! Long time no see. Hope your granny’s knee is better now.”

’Atleast he gives a shit’ scenario 2: He will call. Tell me he loves me. But the way our lives are going, he doesn't think investing mind and heart into us will take us anywhere. Of course, since we're both married.

Scenario where the sun will shine, flowers from god’s garden bloom and angels from heaven sing in my ears: Why do I have a dirty feeling this one doesn't exist?